Surrendering to What Now?

Surrendering to What Now?

I am not one for words
But these words I shall speak.
Not to proclaim the indefinite truth
But to proclaim the way of which I live.

Lived in sin, broken by the world
And trampled from scenes of my past.
Haunting my foot path and playing
With the thoughts I once owned.

Yolk hard to bare but too
Proud to kneel before my father.
Needing to fix myself first before I
Enter his presence but too worried to do so.

Living in the sin of unforgiveness,
And oppression.
Hurt, aching, screaming for
The injustice of such a grievous separation.

No longer with child-like faith but tainted.
Distrust is what I hold now over the steeple
That proclaims beauty of a building over
The preservation of its people.

Truth now lies in the eye of the beholder instead
Of Christ our Lord.
Prayer is now empty words streaming
From the lips that once rejoiced and proclaimed!

Grief stricken by loss and torn by
Lies and false accusations.
Following the wide and treacherous path
Of my own creating.

Soon death and hatred follow me,
Staying my feet in the sinking sand of pride
And self-righteousness. Losing my grip
On that solid rock I once stood.

Angry and hurt I cried.
Lonely and broken I died.
Melting into nothing,
But everything just as before.

I felt that my abba had abandoned me,
To live in grief and self-hatred.
Feeding on my own sin
To survive the plight I endure.

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