Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?
The classic question I am
asked over and over again.
Who am I?
The question that weaves through my mind
and innermost being.
It is the question that penetrates the part of me that
feels broken, alone and desolate.

I enjoy my life, but how much more do I have to explain
myself? How do I convey this feeling on paper,
describe this part of me.
How am I to do this when the person that I am is composed
of is fractured into
so many events and moments of life?

How do I sell myself so that they can
see me for ME?

Pictures painted by my words end up a muddled mess.
How can I compare to that kid who has been able to
do the millions of extra-curricular activities?

I feel like there is so much in me that I don’t even know. I must
press on into this relationship and surrender
To the ride I will be on.
I cannot stand by and see me
be left behind. Not again.

My mind moves too fast that even my
body can no longer keep up with me. I move
at a pace that prevents me from
giving myself a hug when I need it.
My heart aches for companionship,
even if it is only with me. To have someone
I can rely on.

That inner me, SHE who seems so much smarter
and cleverer than me. How do I let THAT
me shine and be seen. I am too afraid to let THEM out.
I am too afraid of myself.
I feel threatened that I will never live up to my own expectation.
That I will just trip up again and fall.

I must believe that life is not trial after trial.
A constant dusting off knees and aching muscles.
But is that my path,
My fate?
Who am I to tell what my fate even is?

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